Once again this year, I'm lucky enough to have a lovely, wonderful Valentine- go ahead and gag/roll your eyes now. While we already celebrated Valentine's Day with a fancy dinner and present swapping, I can't forget the other men in my life: the athletes I (pretend) I know and (sometimes) love.
Jay Cutler
What's the fun in Valentine's day if I can't dramatically throw a box of chocolates at the television a la Legally Blonde? Since I'm still mad at him for bitching out of our final shot at a Super Bowl, the most he can hope for from me is a drunk voicemail slurring resentment. You, Jay, will get nothing, and you will like it.
Kyle Kuric
For the University of Louisville guard, I believe something shiny is appropriate. In an upset victory of Syracuse on Saturday, Kuric led the team with 23 points. This, combined with an ugly Kentucky loss, was enough to start my day off right. So, Kyle darling, you get some fancy man jewelry. Jewels for you, Kyle Kuric! You go Kyle Kuric!
Wayne Rooney
A dozen roses. A classic, for a classic. Rooney scored a beautiful, breathtaking bicycle-kick goal on Saturday against Manchester City, and therefor earns a treat from me this Valentine's Day. However, soccer isn't as near and dear to my heart, so there's no dirt on my shoulder when his roses are dead in a week.
The New York Islanders
With a combined total of over 300 penalty minutes, Friday's matchup was less of a game and more of a bloodbath. While some may disagree, I think that fighting is one of the most wonderful, hilarious parts of hockey. It's what makes is the testosterone-driven, brutal sports that it is, as opposed to looking more like a lacrosse/soccer hybrid on ice. Plus, the Penguins are a dirty, dirty team. This was a grudge match played for revenge after a 3-0 lost that left goalie Rick DiPietro debilitated on the ice after a nasty brawl. So, to the Islanders I give a giant pack of hand-decorated elementary-school-style Valentines, complete with stickers and candy and the whole she-bang.
So, while my real-life Valentine received the perfect presents of his own, I didn't forget the other men in my life. I'll be expecting my gifts in return. Tik-tok, gentlemen!
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Since when is getting a serious knee injury bitching out of a game? Personally, I like Jay Cutler and think he's a good QB. Now, if the Bears could find him a offensive line that could block, Bears fans would think that, too.
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