An Open Letter to ESPN

Dear ESPN,

As a loyal fan of your television station and website, as well as a follower of multiple blogs and Twitter accounts, I'd like to offer you a brief list of company suggestions.

Far be it from me to be the supreme jury of what is and is not considered a sport, but the following should never be spoken of in any of your various forms of media ever again: NASCAR, poker, the AFL, mixed martial arts, and Bassmaster. They are a consistent waste of my time, and evoke nothing more than an eye-roll from me when I see them on my cable guide. I actually switch channels when they're mentioned on Sports Center after immediately gaining ten pounds due to all of their fan bases largely consisting of fat old white men.

Second, the women that you choose to work as commentators need to be reconsidered. I may be coming off as a bit of a Goldie Locks here, but there has to be some middle ground between perfect tens who sound like airheads, and women who are simply quite unpleasant to look at. The main broad on Sports Center can only be considered a sight for sore eyes if the eyes which are viewing her haven't had vision for the past 50 years, and she's the first image they've seen since. Believe it or not, male-run corporation, there actually are attractive women in the world who have legitimate knowledge of sports. Find one and hire her, if you need a reference, I know plenty.

Last, take away Lil Wayne's blog. It's simply a platform for him to smoke copious amounts of weed, then dictate to a scribe a bunch of ramblings that make him look like an ass. It's really just cruel of you to encourage.

I hope these suggestions are seriously considered, as they would make generous improvements to your empire. If you'd like to pay me the big bucks to do some face-to-face consulting on these issues, I'd likely oblige.

Sincerely,

Sarah