My Top Five Favorite Sports to Drink During

While watching highlights from the world's longest tennis match, one thought came to mind: "Those fans must have been trashed by the end of that." Then, I realized that tennis spectators don't generally go to games with the high priority of getting drunk while watching. Then, I remembered why I generally don't care about tennis.

This got me thinking about my experiences going to sporting events. Some of the most fun time's I've had were watching sports that weren't necessarily my favorites. And with that, my top five sports to drink to.


5. Baseball

As I've mentioned a hundred times or so, I'm not the biggest follower of baseball. I think this probably has its roots in childhood T-ball, where I spent more time making bracelets out of dandelions than actually learning the sport. Living in Chicago, I've made my obligatory alliance to one team over the other, but have never gotten super invested in the sport. That being said, baseball games are long. This equals ample time to get sufficiently blitzed, which, for me, is the only way I'm going to stay interested in the game itself. Another added bonus for my fellow Cubs fans? Enough Old Styles can numb the pain of a loss...or 35.

4. Hockey

Personally, I think that part of the culture of hockey fandom is the copious amounts of drinking during games. It's almost expected that fans get drunk and rowdy, then cheer extra loud at the extra violent parts. It's simple, animalistic fun - and I'm completely okay with it.

3. Horse Racing

Churchill Downs, in my hometown of Louisville, is one of the most gorgeous, sophisticated race tracks in the country. Once a year it's also the sight of one of the sloppiest, drunken messes in the country: the Kentucky Derby. While in the pricey, expensive box seats rich women flaunt fancy Derby day hats and sip on mint juleps, the real party is in the infield. A complete shitshow of college students and parents alike, liquor is snuck in every way imaginable and then consumed in mass. It's wild, crazy, a little overwhelming, and should be experienced by everyone at least once in their life.


2. Golf

Let me preface this by saying how much I generally detest golf. I think it's boring, long, and mostly just boring. One summer after my senior year in high school I worked at a golf course back home. It was boring, hot, and boring. It definitely did not help me learn to appreciate the art of the game, but did show me why some people find it so much fun. The few times I went out on the course with friends on days off, we'd bring a cooler full of beers and generally reek havoc. And now, when I get phone calls from friends asking me to pick them up from one golf course or another because driving probably isn't a great idea, I'm generally more sympathetic to the game. And John Daly.

1. Any College Sport Ever

I really can't think of a college sport where painting letters on your chest and bonging beers in the parking lot beforehand wouldn't be considered appropriate. Football? Obviously. Basketball? Duh. Gymnastics? Why not? Chess? Absolutely. I never want to graduate.

The Inevitable World Cup Post

It would be nonsensical to keep a sports blog and not write about the World Cup. I've known this post was coming for a while now, and have been waiting for the right moment to strike. As I've joined the rest of the world in watching as many games as possible, catching "World Cup fever" and hearing vuvuzelas in my sleep, for a while I also had the mindset of many other American viewers: "I just wish I was in Europe right now watching this, it would be so much more fun!" I was convinced that watching a game from a pub or a town center would just be so much more legitimate than watching a game in America. America, where we don't care about soccer. It would be so much more gratifying to watch with real fans, not American bandwagon fans.

And then I got off my high horse and realized I'm a moron. I'm the number one bandwagon fan in the United States. I grew up with soccer being a huge part of my life, I genuinely enjoy watching games, but I definitely don't follow the sport year round. My sister's a high school soccer prodigy. I've been to more games in the last 16 years than I often care to remember, but when it comes to professional, I generally don't pay any attention until World Cup time.

But really, who does? Is there some rule that you have to put in a certain number of pre-World Cup viewing hours before you're allowed to cheer on your team as a real fan? I certainly don't follow curling on a regular basis, but that didn't stop me from turning Olympic Curling into a drinking game last winter.

And with that, a video that sums up American World Cup fandom better than I ever could.

Dear Lane Kiffin, Karma's a B*tch. XOXO, the Football Gods

If you've followed my blog, or know me in general, you know my extreme distaste for Lane Kiffin. The cocky little weasel (my favorite term of endearment for him) abandoned my team and left us high and dry with various NCAA and SEC violations after only one season. He left a sour taste in the mouths of Tennessee fans - and sports fans in general - ever since he high-tailed last January and ran back to Southern Cal, where he previously worked under Pete Carroll. So, not much could make me happier than hearing about the NCAA dropping the hammer on the University of Southern California this week. I believe my initial reaction was a simple, yet classic "HA!".

The untouchable U$C has fallen. A football program that's greasier than Chicago politics with a coaching staff and athletic director who think they're simply above following the rules has finally been put in their place. And this was no ruler slap to the knuckles. This was a full on haul-out-to-the-backyard-drop-your-drawers-and-take-a-beating-with-Daddy's-belt FOLLOWED by a lifetime grounding. Add to that the fact that every win they've had during they're current reign will now be looked it with skepticism from their now tainted reputation. It's easy to win when you don't follow the rules, and with a nearly 70 page report on all of the rules USC broke, it's no wonder they were the best.

And what was Lane Kiffin's response to the NCAA decision? An apology to fans, players and students followed by a promise to clean up the program? Of course not. Instead, he went on and on about how USC is the best, was the best, and will always be the best. His sentiments were echoed by former head coach Pete Carroll. Essentially both threw temper tantrums for the media, held their breath, whined about it not being fair, and ran to file an appeal.

Appeal, whine, cry, act shocked and upset. None of the show matters, boys, because you have now been officially branded with the title so many fans have unofficially given you for years: cheaters. So go ahead and try to rebuild the Trojan dynasty, because even if you use the millions Reggie Bush brought you to try to buy back some wins, no one will forget. Just ask Alabama.

Texas in the SEC? No Thank You.

Anyone who follows college football (or watches Sports Center) has undoubtedly heard about the turmoil surrounding the Big 12. Following the breakup, rumors immediately surfaced regarding which conference the remaining ten teams would be picked up by. The latest rumor circulating says that the SEC will be picking up Texas, Oklahoma, or both.

Let me be the first to say: hell to the no. Oklahoma, we'll deal with later. As far as Texas? No sir. I don't care for 'em, I don't watch 'em, I don't give two hoots about 'em, and I certainly don't want them in my conference. To me, the state of Texas is its own entity. Texas pride, Texas culture, Texas this and Texas that. The vast majority of the Texas roster comes from the massive state of Texas, where kids are bred playing cult-like Texas high school football.

To me, the best thing about the SEC is the love for the conference, not just individual schools. Obviously, I have my favorites (Tennessee) and I have teams I hate (Kentucky), but some of the most fun games to watch are the inter-conference rivalries. In my opinion, Texas and Texans are too...self-secluded to acquire the sense of family that I love so much about the conference.

As far as Oklahoma...I'll compromise. The Sooners would come in with a natural geographical rival (Arkansas) which would make things interesting, and I feel like Oklahoma would better encompass the spirit of the conference. And just what will I do if the SEC does decide to take Texas? Easy. Put them in second on SEC my sh*t list...right under Kentucky.

The Perfect Game: A Perfect Lie

The funny thing about having a blog is that, well, people read it. And, on occasion, they have some sort of interest in your opinion. A friend of mine suggested the other night that I write about the recent string of perfect games that have occurred this year in baseball. To which my response was, "and what exactly does a perfect game entail?" Being admittedly clueless about baseball, I had absolutely no idea what this supposed phenomenon was. After a lot of explanation and a little digging, I had my answer. A perfect game is when a pitcher pitches "27 up, 27 down". Or, in layman's (my) terms, a complete no hitter where not a single player reachers first base. Perfect games are extraordinarily uncommon, or as my friend put it, "the rarest pinnacle in baseball". This phenomenon has only happened 20 times in Major League Baseball history, and 18 times since 1900. However, it's happened twice this season alone. First, by Dallas Braden of the Oakland Athletics, and next by Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies.

Maybe I'm just reasonably jaded by the mass amount of corruption in professional sports, but it's somewhat difficult for me to get excited about the two perfect games pitched in one still-beginning season. Why? Because it's extremely likely that at least one, if not both, of these pitchers is having major assistance by some kind of drug. It's no secret that steroid use is rampant amongst MLB players. Add to that the recent allegations of a major increase in pitchers taking mass amounts of Adderall, and it's difficult to believe that these players don't have some kind of superhuman cocktail floating through their blood stream.

Perhaps it's just a combination of skepticism and a somewhat distaste for professional sports in general (I was raised on the NCAA...particularly the SEC...), but here's my final word: Get off the 'roids, boys. I'd imagine it's much more gratifying to pitch a perfect game when you're truly the one doing it. Just ask Lee Richmond.